My life was not a normal one. My father was the President of a now dead MC (motorcycle club). So I was brought up in a very different way to most other children… as my home was the club house. Unfortunately, my mum and dad passed away when I was 12 or 13 and I ended up living on the streets of London as the government wouldn’t let me stay at my home and wanted me to be placed into care! I didn’t want that, so I disappeared to the streets. 

I was homeless, cold and hungry at 13. As soon as I turned 16, I went back to the club and became a fully patched member, since that was all I had ever known. After about 15 and 2 long prison sentences (3 years and 5 years), I decided that was not the life I wanted and decided to leave the club (which is not easy to do). I can’t go into all the things I was involved in during those years, but I lead a lawless, violent and hateful life. I had stabbed, shot at and beaten numerous men, thinking and caring about no one but myself and the club. I thought that was what life was like. You got what you wanted by being stronger and more vicious than your target. The only person I could truly rely on, was myself. However, interspersed with all those calculated acts of violence, there was always a side of me that would help others (i.e., an old lady with shopping crossing the street, or giving money/food to homeless people).Then when I left the club life behind, I still only knew violence and struggle. I floated from job to job and country to country, lying when it suited me, once again being homeless or sleeping on friends’ couches, fighting to build some kind of life for myself. I worked hard and tried to find happiness through drinking, partying and women. After I had carved out a new kind of life, I decided it was time to settle down and get married. I was working 3 jobs and taking care of a wife and kids. Sadly, my marriage was very shallow and rocky from the start, but I stayed because I longed to have a big family and lots of kids and felt like this was the best I could hope for in life. However, after 4 kids with her, we were both still miserable and split up. My focus continued to be my kids and I poured everything into them and work. A few years later, by what seemed like chance at the time, I met my now beautiful wife who had been a Christian since childhood. I fell head over heels and did whatever I could to bring her into my life. I saw the peace and calm and love in her… and I longed to have that myself. We got married a couple of years later and lived in England. For the first time in my life, I went to a church. I went because it made her happy. We visited a few churches in England and some when we moved to Spain, but she couldn’t find one that she really liked and we didn’t go often. Then one Sunday, we visited ICB and after the service, my wife said “I finally found my church”! It took me a little while to feel comfortable, but all the people were so welcoming and genuine, I started to see that Christians could be real people, with love and hope and peace – and still have fun and laughter! That was shocking to me! Even with a strong church and a Christian wife, I still struggled to find my own faith. I thought there was no way God could love me or forgive me for all I had done. I had always relied just on myself so couldn’t see me ever giving up control. And most of all, I couldn’t see myself ever loving anyone more than I love my wife or putting anyone or anything before her! I went to the ICB Foundations class and started to learn about God and scripture and try and see how it could relate to someone like me. Sunday after Sunday, I tried so hard to pray and find peace and feel God’s forgiveness, but I never felt anything. My own thoughts and feelings kept getting in the way. I talked to the pastors, I talked with my wife, but I thought I would never be forgiven, that I could never clean all the blood from my ledger. Then finally, after almost 2 years, I laid everything at God’s feet and asked for forgiveness with all my heart. I just couldn’t keep holding onto all of it. And when I finally let go, it felt like the lead shirt of all my crimes that I had worn my whole life, was lifted off, piece by piece, by the Lord! I felt his presence and I felt him wrap me in His arms and tell me He had me now! It was amazing! Now I have purpose, drive and peace in my life. Things I never dared hope for before! I now know that I am forgiven and that love for the Lord is a different kind of love, more like a parental love. It not only didn’t diminish what I feel for my wife, it added even more love, which I didn’t think was even possible! Because she and I now get to walk together on a path with God, reading the bible together, discussing what we read, finding ways to serve and being true partners in this journey! Now I try and live a good Christian life, helping others, showing love and furthering the Lord’s name. There is still much I need to work on, like turning the other cheek. That’s hard for me because my temper still rears its ugly head. But now I know that the Lord made me the way I am, and He knows my heart. Day by day I work on changes and continue to draw nearer to the Lord. In closing, I want to say that if I could be saved and find peace, after the life I’ve lived, then there is hope for anybody and everybody, from all walks of life and all backgrounds. With the help of the Lord, nothing is impossible! If a man like me can be saved, we all can.